Bliss in Ignorance
by MidoriPanda
Summary: Wonderweiss accidentaly leaves a Garganta open, and three drunk Lieutenants make their way onto Las Noches. Full Summary Inside. Pure Crack.
1. Una Nube Cuelga Sobre Mi

**Full Summary:** Accidentally, Wonderweiss leaves a Garganta open after following Tousen to Soul Society, and three drunk Lieutenants make their way onto Las Noches Palace.  
After this, Aizen orders both Gin and Tousen to retrive them back to Soul Society, harmless and with no memories of what they had seen on Hueco Mundo, at all costs... for Tousen's demise and possibly Gin's enjoyment, things don't go as planned.

**Warnings:** Implied/Explicit Shonen-ai/Shoujo-ai, it deppends on how the story evolves. Drug and Alcohol abuse. Cursing. OCCness, specially Stupid!Aizen, Genius!Wonderweiss, Hyper!Ulquiorra, Fanboy!Grimmjow and several other idiocities the author thinks about :D

**Rating:** T, might change to M as the story advances.

**Note:** The chapter titles will be from songs on spanish, with a kinda rough translation to English.

This one was _"Una Nube Cuelga sobre Mi" by Los Bunkers._

* * *

**Bliss in Ignorance**

**A Bleach FanFanfiction, By xox-Midori-Chan-xox

* * *

****Chapter 1**

**Una Nube Cuelga Sobre Mi**

_(A cloud is hanging over me)

* * *

_

_Soul Society, At noon._

_Old anonymous tombstone._

"At days like this I can't help but wonder what would you think of me." He muttered, placing a hand over the wood tomb where his beloved friend rested. "Surely you won't be proud of me, would you?"

"Aaaaooo…?" a childish voice asked behind his back, making him to turn around a bit surprised.

"Wonderweiss? How did you arrived here? You're not supposed to leave Las No…"

"TOUSEN!!!"

"Damn… you just left the Garganta open, don't you?" Tousen asked the little blonde, who nodded shyly and started to pout. "No, don't cry, don't… DON'T CRY, WONDERWEISS!" He ordered, and the Arrancar shut up. "Anyway, let's see what entered the palace… I bet it was just another cockroach, Aizen hates those things…"

Wonderweiss took the other's hand, who sighed and opened a new portal with a flung of his hand. Both of them stepped in, and Tousen closed the gate after Wonderweiss was inside as well.

"Come, let's see what…"

"…THE FUCK ARE THIS THREE DOING HERE?!" Aizen's voice screamed, making both of them jump.

"I don't know!!!" Gin's voice excused. "I swear I didn't bring 'em 'ere!!! I'm sure it was Tousen!"

"I was what?"

"YA LEFT A GARGANTA OPEN!" Gin accused, pointing at him. "Now we have three drunk lieutenants running half naked around Las Noches!!"

"Three lieu…?! don't tell me they're who I think they are…" Tousen muttered, slapping his forehead and shaking his head.

"Yeah!!! Those three are roaming around!! Two of them half naked and the other one about to strip if nobody stops her…" Aizen said, glancing at the screen on his computer as he sipped from a cup of tea.

"I could help ya on that, Aizen-san…" Gin said, slyly, his foxy smile returning.

"Fine then. You and Kaname are to capture them."

"WHAT?!" Both men asked.

"Yeah, you just offered! Asides from that, those two are both your lieutenants and one is your ex- girlfriend, so you're more than indicated to do it."

"Did somebody put something on your tea?!" Gin asked, angry. "I'm not doing that! I have things to do!!"

"Like what?" Tousen asked, mockingly. "Do your weekly research for your Arrancar Encyclopedia? You might want Matsumoto-san to co-host with you tonight, won't you?!"

"SHADDAP, TOUSEN!!"

"That's actually a good idea. I expect a good report tonight, Gin."

"I hate ya." He hissed at the older one, who just smirked and walked out with Wonderweiss from the room. "And I still think it was yer, or yer Loli's fault!"

"Loli?" Tousen asked, stopping on his tracks. "You have been reading teenage magazines again, don't you?!"

"I ONLY DID IT ONCE!!"

"Gin, Kaname, please, behave yourselves."

"Fine…" Both of them frowned at each other, the silver haired one sticking his tongue to Wonderweiss. The blonde boy hid behind Tousen, who patted his head, and then he turned around to face Aizen again.

"What should we do with them if we catch them, Aizen-sama?"

"Leave them back to Soul Society." He said calmly, following the tracks of the three lieutenants on his screen. "And if possible, drug them so they won't remember anything they've lived or seen in this place."

"No killing time?!" Gin said, pouting.

"You'd never kill Matsumoto." Tousen pointed.

"Well, no." Gin's smile grew back. "But that's just something Aizen-sama would ask us to, don't ya think?"

"No, no, just take them out of here." Aizen said calmly.

"May I ask why?"

"Well… first of all because you two wouldn't kill them. Second, it'd be too weird if three lieutenants, all related somehow to you two disappeared. And third, because Aizen-sama demands some fun!"

"…the fuck?" Gin muttered, with a fake smile on his lips. Tousen sighed, dragging Wonderweiss.

"To-Tousen-san…?" The kid blabbered, making the elder to look down at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Wha-what are we playing?" he asked, cheerfully and sloppily.

"Oh! Ye've taught him how to speak! Sky's falling down!"

"Shut up and get to work, you have to catch two people."

"Ya ain't helping me, buddy?"

"Don't nudge me. And unless Hisagi is having issues and those issues are somewhat related to Kira and Matsumoto, which I think they will, then I have no option but to help you."

"So ya mean yer helpin' or…?"

"Unfortunately, I have to."

"So, what are we playin', Tousen-san?!"

"Wonderweiss, if anything wrong happens to me, I give you permission to eat Gin's soul." Tousen ordered the blonde, dragging him away from Gin, who's smile vanished again and followed the two.

"Yer always angry at me!! It's not my fault those three are hangin' around here! It's actually yers!"

"I know it is my fault." Tousen hissed at him. "But you're the problem. You're still as immature as the day I met you."

"Ya really hate me, don'cha?"

"I don't hate you. I just can't stand you a bit."


	2. ¿A Donde Van Los Muertos?

_Chapter Title "¿A Donde van los Muertos?" By Kinky._

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**Chapter 2**

**¿A Donde Van los Muertos?**

_(Where do death people go?)

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_

_Las Noches Palace, at noon._

_Main Hall._

"SHOOOO!!!!" A voice screamed, making the trio jump, hiding behind a wall afterwards. A tall figure with blonde messy hair appeared on the hall, and that person not only was stumbling with his own feet, but he was giggling stupidly as well. "MATSU-SHAN? Where are chuuu?"

"Oh, look! It's Izuru!!!" Gin's smile reappeared as he watched his former lieutenant dancing on circles talking to himself.

"It's no fun Shoo, where are cha?! I knuu ya took meh underwear!! Where are chuuu?!"

"Don't move, Gin." Tousen said, stopping the silver haired one who was about to tackle the drunk blonde to the ground to knock him out.

"Why not?! I wanna say hello!"

"Don't. Move." Gin frowned first at him and then at Wonderweiss, who was growling at him angrily.

"Fine, fine! But could ya just calm your son, please?! It's scarin' me!!"

"He's not… Wonderweiss, stop it, you look scary…"

"WHOSHHTHAR?!" Izuru screamed, tripping and falling face first, but the he stood up immediately pointing at their spot.

"Shoot, he heard us!" Gin said, covering his mouth with one hand.

"Wonderweiss, you have homework!" Tousen snapped, whispering to the little Arrancar.

"Aaaaooo?"

"Go there and say hello to your mommy."

"Mo… mommy?"

"Yes, your mom! Look! He has the same hair you do! Go and say hello!!"

"He's not gonna fall for that, Tousen-san, he's slow, but he's not…"

"MOOOOOOOOMAAAA!"

"…stupid." Gin finished, as Wonderweiss slammed himself against Kira's body. "Just how have ya trained it?! He's retarded!!"

"Shut up. He's slow as you say, but he's just doing what I said."

"OH MY GAWD I'M YER MOMMY!" Izuru screamed, carrying the little blonde. "YUR SO CUTE!!! YE LOOK JUST LEIK YER FATHER!!!"

"Father…?" Gin muttered, scared. "Oh, Jesus, what the fuck has he been drinkin'?!"

"ZURUUU I FINALLY FOUND YAA!" A rough voice screamed, and Shuuhei made appearance on the hall, stumbling and crashing against the blonde. "Where have ya been, silly?!"

"I found the baby!!"

"Which baby?"

"Our baby!"

"We have a baby?!"

"YUP! LOOK, HE'S HERE!"

"OH GOD, HE LOOKS LIKE YA!"

"NO! HE LOOKS LIKE YA!"

"What the fuck…?" Gin whispered, and Tousen couldn't help but nod. Just… what the fuck?

"Wait, 'Zuru!"

"Whut?"

"How did we haves it?"

"Uhmm…"

"Yer the mum, aren't ya?"

"I guess so…"

"So ye were bottom?"

"Buttsex?"

"BUTTSEX, YAY!"

"YAY! LET'S GO!!! COME HUBERT!!!" Kira screamed, grabbing Wonderweiss' hand who smiled stupidly and nodded. Shuuhei grabbed the Arrancar and carried him on his shoulders.

"Now, they kidnapped Wonderweiss… and named him Hubert." Gin muttered. "How funny can this be?"

"It's no fun, we have to get them back!"

"You're scared for Blondie now?!"

"Not actually. I'm more scared for Hisagi and Kira."

"Why?"

"No matter how innocent he looks, he's still a hollow."

"Ah, I see… but I don't think the poor thing is going to eat his mummy and his daddy. So, how are we gonna lure them back to Soul Society?"

"We have to drug them…"

"The only place I know in Las Noches that has drugs is Szayel's Lab, and I'm not enterin' that place ever again."

"There might be another one."

"Uh, really?"

"Grimmjow's room."

"Grimm kitty's? why would the kitty have drugs?"

"He feels depressed. Most likely because Ulquiorra beat him playing Dance-Dance Revolution the other day."

"FOR REAL? ULQUIORRA CAN DO DDR FOR REAL?"

"How could I know? I'm blind, remember?"

"Oh, that's scary… well… guess we're gonna have to make Ulquiorra dance if what Aizen-san wants is fun."

"Anyway… if I enter Grimmjow's room is most likely he'll try to kill me. As far as I know, he doesn't hate you, so you go there, and I'll try to go to Szayel's Lab and manage to keep myself alive."

"Oh, yer talkin' seriously? Enterin' Szayel's room is like suicide, his Lab is like offerin' yerself as human sacrifice!"

"Now you're worried about me or something?"

"Not at all. I was just makin' sure ya had lost yer mind."

"Well then… let's go. We'll meet here in one hour, Gin. If I'm not back by then, it's because I died. If I died, panic, because Aizen-sama is going to blame you for it, and you'll have to get rid of the three of them all by yourself, and asides from that, Wonderweiss is going to eat you."

"NOW YER MAKIN ME WORRY ABOUT YA!! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!"

"One hour, don't be late."

_Las Noches Palace, at noon._

_Grimmjow's room._

"Stupid Ulquiorra. Stupid DDR. Stupid video games. Stupid Szayel. Stupid Nnoitora. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" Grimmjow's voice blabbered, Gin heard behind the wall he was hiding that Grimmjow was a little drunk.

"Heh, calm down, Grimm!" Di Roy's voice said, and Gin could notice there was a little nervousness on his tone.

"I AM CALM!!" Grimmjow screamed.

"Heh, don't worry, bro, you'll surely defeat him next time!" Yylfordt said smoothly. "And why are you complaining about Szayel? What did he do?"

"Your stupid brother was the one who brought that Play Station to Las Noches! Is his fault I was embarrassed in front of the whole Hueco Mundo!"

"It was actually just Harribel-san and Nnoitora. Starrk had already fallen asleep, Barragan was not there, nor Zommari or Aaroniero." Shawlong pointed, and Gin heard somebody had smacked the back of his head.

"Shut up, pincer!!! It's really bad to have been defeated by the Emo bitch, now point that almost everybody else who matters saw it!"

"Aizen didn't see it."

"Who cares about that guy?! All he cares is his tea!" Di Roy screamed, and ever Gin laughed at this.

"Don't say that." Grimmjow said after the laughter died. "He might be a bastard, but thanks to him… thanks to him we're this strong. Not that I'm thankful, in fact, but I'm just glad I've reached this far. This way I can keep becoming stronger, and one day, I'll crush Ulquiorra's skull against the ground and make him become dust! He'll never look down on me ever again!"

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT GRIMM, GO FOR IT!"

"YEAH, BRO, CRUSH HIM! CRUSH!"

"This guys are too silly!!" Gin said, but then he noticed he had spoken out loud, so he covered his mouth again. "Oh, damn!"

"WHO'S THERE?!" Edrad said, making Gin to twitch a little.

"Show yourself!" Yylfordt ordered, but Grimmjow grunted.

"Shut up, guys, it's just Ichimaru." He said, calmly. "What do you want?"

"Oh, me? Nothin'! nothin'! Keep yer talk gentlemen, I was just passin' by!"

"You were eavesdropping." Grimmjow said, dragging the thin man inside the room. "What do you want?!"

"Fine, fine!!" Gin said, tilting his head to the side. "Don't be so rough! I wanted to ask ya if…" not to spoil it, he had to make up a good lie so he could sneak onto the Espada's drawer and steal the white powder that was hiding between his clothes. "…if ya would like to be featured on the Arrancar encyclopedia this week!!!" _Stupid and lame, Ichimaru…_

"REALLY?!" Grimmjow's eyes glowed with such emotion it was scary. It was like watching Shoujo anime non-stop. Even worse than Gore movies.

"Y-yeah! Ya would be an amazin' co-host!" Gin's smile reappeared. "Asides from that, Ulqui-chan has never been featured! Ya'll win over him for once! Not only that, but women dig that encyclopedia!! Yer popularity with ladies will go up three levels, Grimm!!"

"SUGOI!!!" Grimmjow squealed, making his whole fracción to shiver in fear. "HONTONI HONTONI TSUBARASHII!! KAWAII!!!"

"Grimm… just as an special request…" Gin muttered, shivering as well. "Ya have to get outta yer room with all of these people, just for a while. So I can inspect the place ya live in, boy. Just a lil' research. And one thing more, that has nothin' to do with the interview…"

"Whut?!"

"Never, ever again, go 'Kawaii' on me, please!"

_Las Noches Palace, at noon. _

_Szayel's Lab._

"Well, that psycho is not in the room… that just means he's inside the lab..." Tousen muttered, placing his back against the wall of the lab. "How to enter without dying?"

"Do you need something, Tousen-san?" Szayel's voice asked behind his back, making the Shinigami to turn around.

"… not really. I was just passing by."

"As I can deduce, you're lying." Szayel's finger pointed at the keyboard on the table, which opened a glowing screen. "I know what happened with Wonderweiss' Garganta, and the fact he was somehow kidnapped by your lieutenant and Ichimaru-san's."

"You have been following them on your computers?"

"No, not really. I detected an unknown reiatsu mixing with Wonderweiss', and I checked what was it… then I noticed the badges they were wearing around their heads, for strange it looked, and I deduced they were your kids."

"They're not our… well, anyway, what have they been doing?"

"Running around, screaming something about mommy and daddy and Hubert… they're wasted, aren't they? They would be an interesting experiment, I've never done anything to drunk Shinigami… that'd be fun!"

"You're not touching them! Aizen –sama ordered to retrieve them to Soul Society harmless!"

"Oh, come on, they can live up with one kidney!"

"Yeah, but knowing you as I do, you'll probably try to remove their livers as well… and I'm afraid that at this rate those two have the unhealthiest livers ever."

"Are they always like this?"

"They are actually worse." Tousen then remembered, they still had no clue where the woman was. "By the way, have you sensed any other reiatsu? There are supposed to be three foreigners on Las Noches."

"Another one?! No, not really. The only thing I noticed is Grimmjow's is having a yo-yo effect, and suddenly it had an outburst… he must have found a way to embarrass Ulquiorra back."

"Nothing else?"

"No. Oh, but also, I've seen a little disturbance on Ichimaru-san's reiatsu. It seems to be way lower, and not only that, but it has changed color."

"That's it! When did you notice that?!"

"Why?"

"When the one we're missing always came around him, Ichimaru became incredibly susceptible to her presence, making him stupidly bold."

"You mean… like having chemical reactions involving hormones?!"

"If with that you mean, something like love, yeah."

"IT'S SO INTERESTING!!! I'll help you find them out!!!"

"You're not tearing Ichimaru's heart to see how it reacts, you know that, don't you?"

"Ah… no heart tearing?!"

"No, Szayel… no heart tearing… now, do you know any drug strong enough to knock those two to the point they don't know what they're doing right now in some hours?"

_Las Noches Palace, One Hour Later._

_Outside Grimmjow's room._

"Ya made it! Yer alive! It's a miracle!!!" Gin screamed, jumping and hugging Tousen, but he punched him with his fist closed so he'd stay back. "OUCH!!"

"Shut up. Did you got the drug?"

"Yeah, but he had a lot of baggies, I don't know which one is which."

"Szayel, do you think you can deduce that?"

"Of course, just leave it to me!!" Gin gave the bags to the pink haired Espada, who went back to his room hopping.

"How did ya make it to go out of there?"

"I lured him with you, actually."

"WHAT?! YER SO CRUEL!!! I'M GONNA DIE, AND I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!"

"No, idiot! He's not going to experiment on you, he just wants to check something your reiatsu does whenever Matsumoto-san is around."

"What?"

"Yeah. When she is around, your Reiatsu falls a little, and it's color changes."

"Ya can see all of that, don't cha?"

"Yes, I don't know why I hadn't noticed she was following us back then, with your reiatsu acting so awkward and everything."

"She was following us?!"

"When I sent Wonderweiss to follow Kira and Hisagi, she was nearby. But she turned on another hall and I didn't track her. Her reiatsu is somewhat similar to Mila Rose's so, I thought it was hers."

"Yer really useless, aren't ya?!"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that… anyway, how did you lure Grimmjow out to take his dope?"

"Believe me, I was so scared I think I might never be able to recover. Ya don't wanna know."


	3. Para No Verte Más

_Chapter Title "Para no Verte Más" by La Mosca Tsé Tsé._

**Note:** Let's make clear I don't do drugs, and I think I never will, main reason if you find anything wrong with their effects or anything, please forgive me, I have no experience whatsoever, and as I don't plan studying anything related to medicine, I excuse myself. Thanks :D

**

* * *

Chapter 3**

**Para No Verte Más**

_(So I'd see you no more)

* * *

_

"So, what were those, Szayel?"

"This one was liquid Ecstasy, this one's Cocaine, this one's Crack, those other are LSD, I also found this one had a reeking smell of Poppers, and there are possibly more on his drawers… damn, that guy is a junkie… the only thing I really recommend you to use is this one, that's from my own reserve. It's only meant to be used for extreme emergencies on experiments that need to be nullified at the moment and not to remember anything, so I guess this one is the precise one you need." He said, giving them a small bag of white powder as he gave Gin back Grimmjow's pack. "It doesn't have a name, since I invented it myself. Just be careful not to mix them, especially with the Ecstasy, it might be dangerous."

"What might it cause?"

"For what I've experimented on dummy hollows, it drives them crazier for hours. And after that period of time passes they faint and don't remember a thing. The matter is to calm them down. I had to kill more than half of them…"

"Fine… it can be mixed with liquids, right?"

"Yup, as long as you don't mix it with sake, everything's fine."

"Thank you so much, Szayel!!" Tousen said, dragging Gin by the neck of his haori.

"Hold on! Hold on!!!" He screamed, as he was being pulled across the whole hall.

"Shut up, we have a lot of work to do."

"Like what?! Yer gonna rip my clothes, stop it!"

"Ichimaru, just shut it and come."

"Tell me!!"

"Fine!! We have to lure them to drink the drugs, so we can knock them down, rescue Wonderweiss, and look out for…"

"ISHIMAAAARUUU GINNNNN!!!!!!"

"… your girlfriend…" He finished, stopping cold on his tracks.

"YA BASTURRRD!!! WHY DIDYA LEAVEEE, GIN?!" She screamed, slapping Tousen instead of the white haired one, who laughed.

"Matsumoto!!"

"Held it… yer nut Gin…"

"No, of course I'm not…"

"Then whore ya?!"

"Tousen Kaname? Remember me? By any sort of…"

"YA BASTARD!!!! YA MAKES KOMA-KOMA CRY!!" She screamed, slapping him once more.

"I think she remembers ya, Tousen-san…"

"By Koma-Koma you mean Sajin, don't you?"

"YAAAH…"

"Hi, Ran-chan, long time no see…" Gin muttered, hiding behind the elder man.

"And… ye are?"

"Is this woman always this stupid?!"

"SHADDAP, BLINDEY!!"

"Hahaha, Blindey!!!!... ok, it's no fun… Uhmm… it's me, Gin? Remember?"

"Gin… Gin… as in Jenever?"

Tousen face palmed himself, shaking his head.

"Gin! Ichimaru Gin, goddamit, woman!!"

"Ichi… Gin? OH YAYS, GIN!!!" She screamed, and bear hugged him out of the blue. "I'VE MISSED YA SO MUCH, SILLY!!"

"I'VE MISSED YA TOO!!!"

"He betrays her, with no obvious explanation or reasons, and I'm the one who gets bitch slapped… just how much does Aizen really hates me?!"

"OH MA GAWD YER DRESSED ALL IN WHITEEEE GIN!! LET'S GET MARRIED! NOW!!!"

"What the…?"

"YAY!!! YE ALREADY HAVE THE WEDDING DRESS, YER ALL DRESSED IN WHITE........ LET'S GOOOOO!!!"

"NO! No, Ran-chan wait!"

"Whut…?"

"Ya know where Izuru and Hisagi-kun are?!"

"Who?"

"Izuru and Hisagi? Blondie and 69?"

"OH, THE GAY GUYS?!"

"…gay?"

"SHADDAP, PUPPY KILLER!!"

"I didn't kill Komamura!!!!" Tousen replied, but Matsumoto stuck put her tongue to him. "Gin, for the love of god, calm your girlfriend…"

"Never mind, Tousen-san, we already have one out of three, don't be so pessimist!!"

"Yeah, you say that because it's your lover, idiot."

"LUVEEER?! OH MY GOOOD YAY!!!"

"If you don't shut her up, I'm gonna…"

"Ya don't harm women!!! Remember!!!! Path of justice, path of justice!!"

"Yeah, but this woman… well, anyway… listen, Matsumoto-san… if you help us catch Kira and Hisagi before dinner, you can have Gin for yourself all night, okay?"

"Yay!!!"

"Tousen-san, you're awesome!!"

"She's gonna get drugged as well, idiot."

"

~Noooo, she's not!!" Gin sang, hugging Rangiku.

"God damn it! Ichimaru!!!! You want Aizen to peel us like oranges or what?! We have to take them back, not… have a one night stand with them!!!"

"Yer just jealous I took the only gal among them!!"

"You're a freak!!! Are you helping me or not?!"

"Only if ya leave her to me after dinner!!"

Tousen sighed, and then he nodded.

"Fine. Just some hours. Afterwards, we send them back to Soul Society, and remember, she must forget everything she saw here."

Gin frowned and his smile disappeared for a while, glancing at the woman by the corner of his slightly open eyes.

"Okay…"

_Las Noches Palace, Two Hours before Dinner._

_Computer room_

Gin was sitting in front of the computer, typing and moving his fingers across the keyboard and sometimes touching the screen, while the strawberry blonde was sitting on his lap, her arms around his neck.

"I can't find them anywhere…" He muttered. "Yer better sensing reiatsu, can't ya find them?"

"There's a problem."

"What?"

"I can't sense them at all."

"Ya can't?"

"They are not anywhere nearby… have you checked the entrances and the furthest halls?"

"I've checked everywhere!!! They're not in Las Noches anymore!!"

"Search for Wonderweiss." Tousen requested, leaning as well onto the keyboard, starting to type.

"How can ya use a computer if yer blind, no offence intended?!"

"These things are special. They're charged with Spiritual Energy, so I can use them… and several other mindless retards like Grimmjow and Yammy manage to lock their doors whenever they want."

"Lock their doors?! What for?!"

"Seriously, I don't want to know. The last time Grimmjow's door was locked and I passed around there, I got scared for life."

"So bad?"

"He was moaning."

"Ok… no wonder ya don't like Grimm Kitty at all!"

"Well, the feeling is mutual… FOUND THEM!"

"Where?"

"Oh shoot…"

"WHERE?!"

Tousen started to expand several popping windows on the screen, and then he managed to switch on one of the security cameras on Barragan's room.

"What the hell are those guys doin' on Barragan's?!"

"Having a rave with his fracción… damn."

"What?!"

"Barragan is not as stupid as the others, he locked the reiatsu sensing system of his wing, so we can't spy on his evil plotting against Aizen, as if we didn't knew what he's planning…"

"So… how did ya managed to find them?!"

"I noticed his room was locked from the reiatsu system, so I guessed they could only be there. Asides from that, it's more possible than Redder, Vega, Carias, and Charlotte are drunk as well…"

"…Charlotte?"

An awkward silence fell between the three Shinigami, and after some seconds wasted on a silent understanding, both Tousen and Gin stood up grabbing their swords, the second one almost throwing Matsumoto to the floor, and ran towards Barragan's wing.


	4. Autopista del Olvido

_Chapter Title "Autopista del Olvido" by Radio Motora_

_**A/N:** Sorry I failed at humor on this one a little. but I can't help but laugh, even if I'm the one writting. So I hope you enjoy as much as I do. And sorry for the lack of updates lately, but I hadn't had much time for writting, between school, family nd my increasing 'To watch' Anime List, it doesn't leave me much time for doing stuff like this anymore.  
Anyway, with all of my love, I give you chapter 4.  
Midori._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Autopista del Olvido**

_(Forgetful road)

* * *

_

_Las Noches Palace, One hour and half before dinner._

_Outside Barragan's Wing._

"Why don't we just… let them die, nobody's gonna miss them…"

"You must be joking… he was your lieutenant, worry a little at least."

"Don't take me wrong, I'm worried… but I'm way much more scared to see a drunk Charlotte. He's already scary, I don't want to see him dancing with himself… possibly semi-naked… Eww"

"Whose Charlotte?!" Matsumoto asked, leaning closer to Gin.

"A weird guy…"

"No buddy ish worse then Yumichika, and ya knows its!" She responded, poking his cheek.

"Believe us, this one is way worse." Tousen said, touching with his left hand one of the doors of the room. "Now… how to enter?"

"If those two managed to make it in, we should have no trouble…"

"The matter of fact is Barragan hates our guts." Tousen pointed. "So it's more likely we get kicked out before we reach them."

"Yer saying we're gonna have to use some kind of disguise?"

"No… I have a better plan, actually."

"Which one?"

Tousen pointed at Matsumoto, who looked around to see if there was someone behind her.

"Huh? Meh?"

"Yes, you. Nobody would ever resist your charms, so go inside there and make them open the doors, so we sneak and take them out."

"What if that doesn't work?"

"Then I'll have to use Plan B, which would be a lot of trouble."

"Ya already have a Plan B?" Gin asked, excited. "Yer brilliant!!!"

"If we are to use Plan B, Gin, you're going to prepare dinner all by yourself for a month, okay?!" He said, pissed.

"Why?! Ya mean, like, no Tousen-san's cooking for a month?! Please, please!! Don't' do it to us!!! Yer cooking is delicious!! If I were to cook we'll all die poisoned! So Aizen-sama would make Ulquiorra cook, since he's second best after you, and all that guy can do is Italian food!!!! And he's German, worse of all!!!" Gin started to pull from Tousen's haori, who rubbed his nose bridge as he shook his head once more. "~Nee! ~Nee! I don't want to eat pasta, pizza and tomatoes for a month!!!!"

"You're so shameless… I pity you."

"Anyway… what's yer plan?"

"I'll have to use Bankai… and knowing Barragan's wing is the biggest room on the whole palace, I'll have to expand it, wasting a lot of my energy. I'd be doing all the work here, so you'd better make the first idea work or you're cooking!"

"Ya hate my cooking as well! Don't do this!!"

"Yeah, the only difference is I can afford to go to the human world and eat on a restaurant without creating a catastrophe like you and Aizen-sama use to do…"

"Heh, his road trips are the best, don't deny it!!"

"He drove the truck over a tree!!!"

"It was awesome, because the tree didn't fall!!! We went flying miles away!!!"

"Grow up already!" Tousen frowned at him, grabbing Matsumoto's wrist. "Listen, Rangiku-san… you have to make them open the door to us. Use your feminine charms and I'll leave you Gin for your birthday wearing nothing else but a pink ribbon on your room."

"Yer a sicko!"

"I know, but she won't remember anything once we're done." Tousen whispered to Gin, who nodded.

"Yet it won't be a totally bad idea, ya know? I'd love to see Toushiro-kun's face, hehehe…"

"And you call me a sicko?"

"Gin… wearing just a pink ribbon…?" Matsumoto blabbered, thinking.

"Would you help us?!"

"Make it blue. It suits him best."

_Las Noches Palace, one hour and half before dinner._

_Inside Barragan's Wing_

"Hey guys!!!" Ggio's childish voice sang, and his comrades came to the spot the little tiger was watching a glowing screen.

"Wazzup, buddy?" Redder asked, grabbing the little fracción by the neck. "Why don'cha come partying with me and Findor? Yer a computer Nerd don'cha?!"

"No, you idiot… I was just checking the screen to see if by any sort of way Harribel and her girls were around to let them in, but I found THIS."

"HELLOOOOOO MR. CAMERAAAA!!!!"

"Who the hell is that gal? she looks like Mila rose!"

"She's wearing a Shinigami Shihakusho, bastard, she's not Mila-chan!"

"Oh… sure…"

"You stink!!! What have Findor and you have been drinking?!"

"Well, those kids that entered before with Wonderweiss had brought something really good… it wasn't sake… but it's good… why don't you try a bit?!"

"I'm under aged!!!"

"Dead people don't age, idiot!"

"Well… you gotta point.. anyway, kids? Wonderweiss? Are you talking about Lilynette and that thing Nnoitora brought the other day? The green haired one?"

"Nop. Nor Nell or Lilynette are here!!! What would they do with liquor on their hands, anyway?"

"Hello? They're Nnoitora's and Starrk's lolis? Give you any idea where from?"

"You're a nerd, Ggio… well, never mind… who's that chick?"

"I have no idea… shall I finish her off?"

"Are ya kiddin'? look at those boobs, Ggio-chan!!"

"Is it everything you can think of?!"

"Yer spending too much time with Charlotte!" Avirama said, poking the little one.

"Exacta!"

"Oh, here he comes…"

"What are ya doin' kid?"

"Shut up, Findor! Go back to your rave thing, and take Avirama with you!!"

"No es Exacto! You're coming with us, little Ggio!"

"I'd rather not…"

"Oh, goodness who's that chick?! She's so hot!"

"HELLOOOOOO? CAMERAMAN, IT'S SO HOT IN HERE!!! SHALL I STRIP?!"

"LET HER IN, GGIO, LET HER IN!!"

"You're a large bunch of idiots, just so you know it."

_Las Noches Palace, one hour and half before dinner._

_Outside Barragan's Wing_

"Oh, good god! They opened the door! She's in!!"

"Now… let's turn on the camera and the communicator she has on…" the blind Shinigami said turning on their system and checking he could start a conversation via the earpiece Matsumoto had on her left earring.

"Rangiku, can you hear me? If you do, hit the earring."

Right afterwards, Matsumoto clinked the earpiece that was hanging on the earring, making the Shinigami outside to know she was listening.

"Good… listen, if you want Gin on a blue ribbon for your Birthday, make sure to bring Hisagi and Kira back. Don't let them discover we're spying their doings trough you, do you understand?"

Matsumoto hit the earpiece once more, and the three of them stood in silence for a long time, while the fracción group dragged her across the whole wing after reaching the room. Gin felt his blood boiling inside his veins when Avirama made her a compromising proposition, but the other Shinigami stopped him before he started screaming at the eagle man, when he was not supposed to do so. Either way, Matsumoto frowned and slapped Avirama like she had done with Tousen before, making Gin to laugh out loud.

_Inside Barragan's Wing_

"Hey, guys! Guess who's coming?!" Charlotte screamed, grabbing little Ggio's shoulder, making him shiver in fear.

"Tell me it's Harribel and her girls, please!"

"As baby Findor would say, Exacta!" Charlotte squealed, giving a little hop. Ggio shivered again, and managed to run away from him.

"Ooohhh, so thatch the one ye were talkin about!!" Matsumoto blabbered, and it seemed to the fracción Arrancar she was so drunk she was talking to herself, but Tousen told her that was exactly the one and sole person who was even more scary than Chika-Bow-Bow on his 'I feel ugly' moments.

"Ooohhh? Ran-Shan? Is that ya?!"

"IZURUN! SHOO! OH MAY GAWD GAIS!" Matsumoto screamed, falling between the two lieutenants and getting a hold on herself from both their necks. "Where have ya bin?! We has been lookin far ya everywhur!"

"We?"

"Yays, Ishimoron and Toushan…"

"Oh?" Avirama asked, as he nodded to his blonde friend to go open the gate to the female group. "Ichimaru and Tousen, you mean?"

"YAYS! They were lookin fer ya!"

"You escaped from them?"

"No, no!!! Toushan promised me he'd gives me a Gin on a blue ribbon fer my B-day, so I can't escape…"

"Ooohhh, that's nice!" Izuru muttered, swinging Wonderweiss' hand back and forth. "I'd likes one too!"

Outside the room, Ichimaru shivered a little.

"Oh, who's this cutie pie?!" Matsumoto asked, leaning closer to Wonderweiss.

"Aaaaooo!!" the blonde squealed, hugging the woman.

"He's Hubert!"

"Hubert?"

"Our baby!"

"Who's baby?!"

"Shoo's and mine!"

"YA GAIS HAS A BABY AND YA DIDN'T TELL RAN-CHAN? YER HIDEOUS!"

"Sorry! We just found out!" Shuuhei muttered, hugging Izuru from the back, who smiled warmly and patted his arm tenderly.

"Who's the mum?"

"Izurun is the mums…"

"Awww! yer so cute!!! When are ya getting marries?"

"Marries?" Both of them asked at the same time, and then they looked down at the blonde boy.

"Yesh, Shoo, I thinks we shaoulds get marries!"

"Me two!!! Can we get marries here, Redder-Shan?"

"Uhmm… well, I don't know…" The eagle host said frankly, not paying much attention to the drunk trio and Wonderweiss, instead he was letting in a much numerous group from the one he was expecting. It were not only Harribel, Mila Rose, Apache and Sun-Sun, but also Starrk, Lilynette, Grimmjow and his whole fracción, Nnoitora and Tesla, Szayel… to resume, almost everybody in Las Noches was inside that place… "But as it seems the higher ranking people in this place are Aizen, Tousen, Ichimaru, Starrk and Barragan-sama, and one of them is present here… I guess it could be possible."

"EXACTA! Starrk-san! You think you can marry our buddies here?!"

"Whatever…"

"Hey, guys, guys!" Ggio interrupted. "This was supposed to be only for Barragan's and Harribel's… Half of Las Noches is here… and also three fucking Shinigami!!! I mean, what the hell is going on?!"

"He has not been drinking, right?" Mila Rose asked Redder, who chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, the little tiger thinks he's still under aged to drink!"

"I AM UNDERAGED!"

"You just look like a kid! Spirits do not age!" Lilynette screamed, grabbing a rum bottle for both her and her partner. "If it were like that, then Starrk would also be under aged, and he looks like he could be my father! Come on, Vega, just drink already!"

"A lady shouldn't be talking like that…" Sun-Sun interrupted, closing her eyes on disapproval and shaking her head.

"Yeah! Miss Pretty is right! You should be more like her, Lily! Maybe you could get a boyfriend that way!" D-Roy said, taking Sun-Sun's hand.

"No… Ggio is right…" Mila interrupted, pointing at the three lieutenants who were laughing like idiots on a corner, not letting go of their dear 'Hubert'. "What the hell are three Shinigami doing here?! And why is Wonderweiss with them?!"

"They accidentally slipped onto Hueco Mundo… hey… the chick looks a lot like you, Mila!" Avirama said, pointing at his female friend.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, she had the same fat body as you Mila Rose!" Apache said, poking Mila's belly. "Just look at those operated cow boobs, she just looks the same as you! I bet she's your blonde twin! Awww… Avirama is not going to like you anymore now!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Oh, come on! your crush!"

"I do not like Redder! He's gay for Findor!"

"WHAT?"

"You are?" Charlotte asked, grabbing both of Redder's hands, with big, round, sparkling and scary eyes.

"NO!"

"No es Exacto!" Findor intervened, shaking a finger in front of Apache. "You silly little woman, Avi-chan does not like me! He likes Ggio!"

"He's my little bro, what do you want?!"

"SO WE CAN GET MARRIED OR NOT?!"

_Las Noches Palace, Half an Hour before the… Uhmm… dinner. _

_Outside Barragan's Wing._

"This guys… are idiots." Tousen muttered, unable to move his fingers over the keyboard, as they were fidgeting with no apparent reason.

"Can I tell ya something?" Gin asked, unable to make a movement as well.

"What?"

"I am so scared right now… I regret coming. I'd have better stayed on Soul Society, 'cuz we're surrounded."

"Surrounded?"

"Freaks…" another clam and monotone voice said behind their backs, making them jump in surprise.

"ULQUIORRA, DON'T SNEAK FROM BEHIND!!!" Gin screamed, as he felt part of his soul had departed from his body.

"Sorry… what are you doing? I mean, why are you watching that bunch of freaks and trash outside Barragan-san's Wing. Why don't you enter and kill them all?"

"Because we're on an errand from Aizen-sama."

"Again, why don't you enter and kill them all?"

"Again, because it's Aizen-sama in his boredom moment we're talking about…"


	5. Amor de Papel

_**A/N:** Definitely, Ulquiorra is one of the funniest characters to write about, and keep him in character making fun of it is amuzingly easy XD Sorry this is short, It's quite of an useless filler chapter.  
Chapter Title "Amor de Papel" by Sentidos Opuestos_

* * *

**Chapter 5  
**

**Amor de Papel**_  
(Paper-made Love)

* * *

_

_Las Noches Palace, fifteen minutes before dinner.  
Inside Barragan's Wing_

"…and under the powers the Espada give me and blah, blah, blah…" Starrk said, as he lied on his side, passing his long gloved fingers over the yellow pages of an old 'Marriages for Dummies' book. "I now pronounce you Man and…"

"YOU ALL BUNCH OF FREAKS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN TRASH! LEAVE THIS STUPID GAY MARRIAGE AND GO TO DINNER. NOW." Ulquiorra's monotone voice pierced the room, making even Starrk to wake up in fear.

"Gahhh!!! Ulqui!!!" Grimmjow cried, to everyone's amusement, alcohol made Grimm's personality to flip and turn against him… and possibly his pride. "Ulqui!! I'm so glad you're here!!! These people had been bugging me all night!!"

"Grimmjow… what the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, it's nothing, Schiffer-san…" Szayel interrupted. "I just screwed a little with his Tequila shot. It was not salt and lemon what I slipped onto his drink, I thought it was somebody else's glass…"

"Trash…" Ulquiorra muttered, shoving Grimm away from his face. "Well… Would you mind giving him an… antidote? What did you gave him, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing, it just accelerated the process of inebriation… I was trying to use it against our 'guests'…" Szayel muttered, pointing at the Shinigami trio singing at their top of their lungs.

"Tousen-donno and Ichimaru-donno asked you as well?"

"That's why you broke onto their room too? That was a cool entrance, by the way…"

"Well, Aizen-sama is calling all of us, he looks kind of pissed, let's hurry before he kills somebody."

"As long as it's not you or me, it's fine…"

"Even Nnoitora?"

"Well, no, he's my buddy, he has to stay… and because my momma told me to, Yylfordt as well… everyone else can die!" Szayel said cheerfully, walking out of the room with the fourth Espada, clapping his hands cheerfully.

"You're such a sadist, Granz-san…" Ulquiorra muttered, shaking his head from one side to another.

_Las Noches Palace, Dinner Time._

_Aizen's dinner room._

"As it seems everybody's planning on skipping dinner, Yammy and Kaname did not cook for us tonight… since the second one is on a special quest and I don't have a freaking idea of where he is, and Yammy is a little bit too… slow to do it by his own… and well, everybody complained about Ulquiorra's Italian food marathon past month, so we have no option but to ask for fast food…"

"Aizen-sama, it's 7:15! The food will arrive in more than an hour!!!" Nnoitora complained, smashing an angry fist against the table.

"Who said we're going to order? We're going to the human world!! Szayel, get the Gigai ready, and make three new ones for our guests, please!"

"Of course, Aizen-sama!!!" Szayel squealed, standing up immediately, dragging Rangiku, Izuru and Shuuhei to his lab, and the trio as well dragged 'Hubert' with them.

"Hubert?" Aizen asked. "Heh, this is getting better! I love those kids!"

"Hey, guys, did someone slipped something onto his tea?" Starrk asked Harribel and Barragan, who were sitting nearby to where he and Lilynette were sitting together.

"I don't know, and I seriously don't mind…" Barragan said, spite filling each word he pronounced.

"Yeah, but you can't deny he's acting weird, Luisenbarn-san…" Harribel muttered, and the elder Hollow couldn't help but nod in agreement. "Well… weirder than usual." The female added, glancing nervously at her superior.

"Ulquiorra, I have a special task for you." Aizen said calmly, sipping from his tea once more.

"What is it, Aizen-sama?"

"First, go search Gin and Kaname and tell them we're going to the human realm… second, go get the truck." He said, tossing him the keys of the vehicle.

"The big one?"

"We're taking almost everybody, I'm sorry to say we're not going to fit on the Ferrari Gin won last month, or in the Hippie Van Nnoitora and Szayel kindly stole from a bunch of junkies past summer."

"Oh, those were some great vacations on Las Vegas… excepting from the fact I spent three hours married to Grimmjow and I can't remember how it happened…"

"By the way, tell somebody to clean that Van one of this days, it stinks like hell inside there…"

"I seriously don't want to know what they have been using the Van for…" Ulquiorra muttered, and after bowing at Aizen, he turned around to go to do his quests.

_Las Noches Palace, 7:20 Pm  
Szayel's Lab._

"Dearest, your Gigai are looking fan-tas-tic!!" Szayel screamed, as he watched the result of his experiments coming out from a large machine. "Now, let's pick some fancy, fancy clothes and we'll all be done here, you'll look am-ffffffffff!!!!!!!!"

"Szayel, Bravo!!!" Gin screamed, as he covered the pink haired Arrancar's mouth with one large hand. "Ya got 'em!!! Now just spill the drug inside their throats and we're done!!"

"There… are some little problems…"

"What now?!" Tousen asked, rolling his pupil-less eyes behind his glasses.

"Well… I kinda left the drug we're supposed to use on the dining table with my coat and… Aizen-sama wants to take the three of them to dinner as well…"

"Damn, I forgot to prepare dinner…" Tousen muttered, pissed off.

"Yer such a desperate housewife, Tousen-san!!"

"Ulquiorra's Pasta Marathon, Gin, don't forget about it…"

"Yer horrible!!"

"Well, don't let them go nuts and escape again…" Tousen said, letting go of Szayel's shirt. "You still have the little GPS thingies from the last trip?"

"Oh, the ones we used to track Ulquiorra and Grimm on Las Vegas?"

"Exactly. Put one on each one of them, so if we lose them, we can find them once more."

"Great idea!" Gin said. "Now let's go back and go see Ai… OH MY GOD, ULQUIORRA DON'T SNEAK FROM BEHIND!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YA?!!" Gin screamed, jumping in fear when he found the fourth Espada standing behind him, his emerald green eyes shining within the darkness of the supplies closet they were hidden in… how the fourth of them could be inside that tiny place, and more over, how the hell did Ulquiorra got inside there, we'll never know…

"Aizen-sama is searching for you, we have to go. I have to go move the truck…"

"Tell me you're driving, Ulquiorra…" Tousen said, almost pledging to the fourth.

"Unfortunately, I do not. Aizen-sama says I can't since it seems I might crash in a suicidal attempt… I don't know why, really. That seems more like Grimmjow. Oh, well, he doesn't drive as well, anyway."

"You have been talking to yourself a lot, don't you?" Szayel asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Well, yeah… kind of a mannerism I got from spending too much time with Aaroniero…"

Szayel chuckled, and then he went outside of the closet to dress his newly created Gigai. When he was done, he almost pushed the three Shinigami inside them, and he sneaked the micro GPS on the back of their shirts so they wouldn't notice it. He opened one large closet in front of the one they were hiding before, and he searched for Wonderweiss' Gigai, and when the boy was inside the artificial body, he placed a GPS on him as well, just if the worst case scenario occurred… which was completely possible if Aizen drove the truck…

_Las Noches Palace, 7:40 PM  
Garage_

Several people were grunting. Some others were sleeping on their seats, namely, Starrk. Others were singing at the top of their lungs some annoying Japanese idol's songs… But most likely, the only noise that was loud enough to be heard by everyone was the roaring of their own stomachs.

"Hey, everyone, we're going now!! Gin screamed, turning around from his seat on the front of the truck, which was being shared with Tousen, and incredibly, even if Hisagi and Kira, the ones who had sworn to kill them if they saw the two of them ever again, they were sitting just one seat behind them. Of course, Rangiku was on Gin's lap enjoying of her drunk moments with the man she loved the most… or that alcohol made her love the most, anyway. Little Wonder boy was sitting between his… Uhmm… parents…

"Ulquiorra, would you honor us with the instructions, please?" Tousen said, pissed off a little, but keeping his cool before he started strangling his own ex-lieutenant so he'd knock him down.

Ulquiorra nodded, and stood up from his seat besides Gin and Tousen's.

With a flick of his hands, he pointed to the entrance of the back and the front.

"The emergency exits are located both on front and back of the truck. If we run over something/somebody, do as if nothing had happened. If we go flying (again) because we crashed against a tree, hug your knees and hide beneath your seats. In given case we fall off a cliff, kiss each other and wave goodbye. Thanks for your attention." Ulquiorra said, with a monotone voice. Even more shocking, nobody seemed surprised, not even one bit…

"Well then, people!!! LET'S GO!!" Aizen screamed, turning on the truck and opening the electric gate from the garage. To make even more scarier their trip, there was a Spice Girls' CD playing… definitely, somebody had slipped something onto his freaking tea!


End file.
